Toughest Love

You know it’s funny how love can make things seem crazy. My story is a different one in a manner I regret deeply. I’m the only daughter my mum had. I was born when she was just fifteen years old and I am a product of rape. I got to know about this recently.

My mother was a beautiful lady with a jovial life but she fell in love with a bad boy at school. They started dating and they were considered the power couple of the school. One afternoon, my dad took my mum to his house for chills as the boys call it. I will not go into many details but my dad forced himself on my mom hence my existence. I do not wish to entertain the thoughts of how I came to be. My dad dumped my mum after knowing I was about to exist. My mum was chased away from home by her mother and stepdad. They could not afford to take care of a burden without a father. No one believed that my mum was raped because ‘a boyfriend never rapes his girlfriend’. My mum started staying with mum Stacy. This lady never forced my mum into prostitution, it was out of her own will.

It hurts to know all of this now because she passed on last week. My mum suffered depression and no one knew the heaviness of the weight she carried on her shoulders. She stopped sleeping around when I turned five. She would eventually become the biggest loan shark. At school, people would call me names due to the nature of my mum’s previous job. I was always angry at her choices. I would complain and insist on meeting my dad. I was a fatherless kid yet my mum had many men frequenting the house every night.  As much as she was doing these hustles, I never lacked anything. She made sure that I was well taken care of and sacrificed a lot. My mum is my hero in all, she is the real definition of strength and tenacity, a rare kind indeed.  Rest in peace Ma.

I came to know all of this through the diary she left me. The only memory I have of her is that book. I regret the words I said without knowing her story in deeper depths. I was supposed to look after her but instead, I was constantly troubling her. Even when she could have aborted me, she still chose me. She sacrificed her happiness for my sake and the love I got from her was so strong like a lioness protecting her cubs.

My mum died without having a chance at a better life but ever since I was born I had a soft life because of that woman. Sometimes in life, we tend to judge a person’s choices because we don’t know how heavy the weight is. I should have been there for my mum but I was just there to remind her how useless I thought she was. I wish I could turn back time but I cannot do that. Mummy, I love you so much, you became nothing because of me.  You made me better, and losing you at the age of twenty-one is so hard for me. Mummy, I will fulfil your wish of helping young women out there.

Let’s help fight the discrimination of young ladies in our communities by providing support. Many women are receiving unjustifiable treatment for mistakes that can be resolved amicably. As a result, some end up making choices that not only affect them but society as a whole. Therefore, we need to step up.

_Sandra

One pen is a move whereby people from all walks of life come together to share their real-life experiences on various psychological problems and sociological perspectives. If you are interested in joining this movement, kindly send an email to molapisanehazel2016@gmail.com