5 reasons of child abandonment

The beauty of nature is first experienced at the time of conception to the birth of the child. This a time that a mother bonds with the child. The expectation is that the cord that ties the mother and the child cannot be easily broken, but the harsh reality is that it’s only a wish that not all live to realise.

I had the privilege to talk to Goabaone,+ who shared a touching story about his life. His experiences make him rue the day he was brought into this world. Being an outcome of a relationship with no pillars and misery made it hard for him growing up.

At the time of his birth, his father was nowhere to be found and never genuinely accepted him as his. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why he was found as an unannounced parcel by the gate of his grandparents’ yard. It’s there that he started his life with no specific identity and unanswered questions that seriously disturbed him and developed into anger, resentment and vengeance.

Years passed, his father passed away, and that’s when his life turned from bad to worse. Immediately after the burial, the mother came to claim the same child she left at the gate when he was only a few weeks old. One would ask was she genuinely regretting her decision or she had her agendas. The grandparents did not initially agree to her plea but would eventually allow her to take Goabaone with her.

The day she took him, she just left him with her brothers and never looked back. The then young Goabaone lived in misery until he decided to flee away from home. He went back to his grandparents, and that was it. There was no follow up from his mum or her brothers.

I also had a chance to speak with one of the closest family members who shared this with me;

“As for me, to date, I haven’t found the real reason I was abandoned. Not that I didn’t ask my parents about what led to me being abandoned. They both had different stories to tell. I had to get a third party to help me get to the bottom of this issue, and that was my late darling grandmother, who told me the same story as my dad. I then decided to build a wall around me and chose to be happy though I was not on bad terms with my parents. Even though it still bothers me, I have decided to let go and never ask about it again. My darling mom told me that I was forcefully taken away from her, whereas my dad told me that I was left at his doorstep by my mom. There are times when I feel like I have been robbed of some stages of my life. I had to be strong at a young age, had to adapt to being with one parent. Although my mother and I are on speaking terms, we don’t connect as we are not that close. I feel like she will never understand me. There are times that I feel this has played a major role in my adult life in terms of my relationships because I really can’t love. I am always expecting my loved ones to walk away anytime, and that is to say, I am afraid to love hence longing for that love.”

These stories clearly show that these individuals are longing for their mother’s love, but one would ask why mothers abandon their kids? There are different reasons why mothers abandon their kids, and these are some of the reasons I thought of;

1. Poverty

When they fail to provide for their children, some women decide to give them away or abandon them. In some cases, these children end up becoming streets kids.

2. Shame

Some women give birth to children with disabilities and abandon them out of shame, and some are ashamed of their kids because they feel they are too young to have kids.

3. Marriage

Child abandonment happens when the lady does not tell her partner about her child’s existence before getting into marriage; hence they remain a secret.

4. Anger

The mother can take the frustrations of her failing relationship on her child and later abandon the kid because she doesn’t want a constant reminder of what could have been.

5. Rape

Some kids are a product of rape, so they think having them around will remind them of their abuse/pain.

There are lots of reasons why kids are abandoned. We are not to judge rather be there for the abandoned children, offer them love and support. Sometimes we cannot justify their abandonment circumstances because we might not have a clear backstory of what took place. The way to heal is for them to get closure, and that can be done if the mothers can reach out to them and at least explain themselves, not that it will heal the old wounds for some, but it is worth a try. To all mothers who abandoned their kids, please take the first step, reach out and make amends.