5 lessons I learnt from cutting off a toxic family member



Cutting off a toxic family member instilled in me the 5 utmost important lessons that I would like to share with you, dear reader. It is not easy to live a life that feeds the soul. Through the search for that innermost peace and security, the family is the place to first think of. Our hopes, dreams and aspirations first sprout from family values and ties. All these and many more make it quite a task to cut off a family member because of their attitude, which suffocates and tarnishes those around them. Still, sometimes it is necessary to cut them off. A few years back, I encountered a very difficult situation where I had to choose between living a suppressed life or cutting off someone I considered a sister though we weren’t related by blood.

When we met, I considered her to be the most loving person I have ever met. Time passed I realized that to her, I was just a broken person who had to obey everything she had to say. Because of that, I lost my respect as a person and developed low self-esteem. There was always a comparison between the two of us. I was constantly reminded who was the better person between the two of us. People with low self-esteem rarely make decisions with their best interests in mind; they satisfy the oppressors. That’s what I did for almost two years, and trust me, looking back, I can see that it was the worst moment of my life. The following are the lessons derived from that experience.

1. Self-realization

The relationship sucked my energy and emotions. I started making bad financial decisions because I wanted to fit in. She never gave me a chance to be myself and would not lend me her listening ears. Every chance she got, she would make sure to degrade me and instil doubt in me by reminding me of my flaws. She was very manipulative such that I was deemed to be a low-class wife who could not control her emotions.

One day when I was in too deep, I realized that enough is enough. I came to the realization that I was not where I was supposed to be, and something or someone was triggering that. This self-realization prompted me to take action. I did not need her validation; my kids’ respect was enough to fill me and remind me that I mean a lot to them. I then knew that I no longer had to believe that I was nothing, so I halted all the communication and blocked her contact. Since then, I have rectified my mistakes and all the bad decisions made.


2. You obtain Peace of mind

Since I cut her off, I have peace of mind. My spiritual and emotional houses are so clean for my fulfilling heart and the soothing life that I desire. I can make beneficial decisions to achieve my dreams without being told I am not good enough. It’s like I am in possession of the keys to lock away toxins that mess with my mind and perception of the realities around me.

 
3. There is Freedom in cutting off certain individuals

I also learnt that cutting off a toxic person gives a sense of freedom. It reduces stress and negativity from your life. One can move on in life and have good relations with other family members because a toxic person can distance you from other family members by saying all kinds of stuff about everyone. Having toxic people around you can make you not think straight, so distancing yourself from them gives you a fresh mind to think straight and positively. Toxic people can block you from seeing things from another perspective. When you get rid of them, you get the freedom to see the world with your eyes, not theirs.

4. You become Self-driven

One will also have a self-drive without looking over their shoulder that there will be people out there to demoralize them. Moreover, you can live your life debt free because those people can lead you to make drastic decisions, especially if they find you with low self-esteem.

Cutting off toxic people can also benefit them in a way that they can become better people as they will no longer have anyone to use. Still, it’s very rare for that to happen as they always spot their victims well in time. Remember, toxic people are mostly the ones that appear to be so sweet around people.

5. It allows you to be Reflective

Before cutting someone off believing that they are toxic, do some reflections and self-introspections to see if it’s not you who is toxic. By reflecting on the relationship that I had with my sister, I was able to discern that it was not right, and there was a need for me to take action—cutting her off. I learnt to be fair in my introspections. I had to note down my shortcoming as well. The most important aspect of Reflection is that it allows you to take a step back and ponder on yourself and the relationships you are in.