A mother is expected to be on hand in the grooming of children in the family. Caring, devotion, affection and socialization are attributes that children learn from their mothers first. Toxic mothers come in different dimensions and variances. As a result, each case has its possible ways of resolving according to its merits and demerits.
There are different opinions on the issue of toxic mothers. Let me start by pointing out that we do have toxic mothers, and one would ask what my definition of a toxic mother is? A toxic mother shamelessly does anything to make her child feel useless for her reasons, not even thinking how it affects the child she gave birth to.
We have different reasons for such behaviours of mothers towards their children; I thought of the following:
Some mothers raise their children in a path of revenge, not necessarily aiming to avenge the children rather their fathers. Most of the time, we get to see mothers being left with children. At the same time, the father moves on with another woman, but that does not mean he doesn’t love his children as most of them will still be supporting their children. The problem arises when the mother decides to hurt the man who left her by taking it out on the kids. Some believe that if they revenge through the kids, they can get the father’s attention.
There are mothers who treat their children badly because they believe having them might have shattered their dreams. They will make sure that they achieve their dreams through their children by forcing them to take the path they wanted. The children are left with no chance to make their own decisions. We hear stories of children who choose certain majors in university because that’s what their mothers wanted for them, yet they were interested in other majors. The mothers want to live their failed dreams and ambitions through their children, which is toxic.
3. DIVIDED ATTENTION
We see this happening with some mothers who have many children, and we know that they all cannot achieve the same things, or some may not be successful in life. The latter may end up being treated as outsiders or verbally abused. Imagine what that will do to the children.
4. UNREGULATED LOVE
I am basing this point on mothers who ‘rightfully’ love their kids. Does spoiling a child mean the mother is toxic? Does giving children tough love to enable the children to learn to fend for themselves also mean that a mother is negligent? In my opinion, too much spoiling or negligence has a negative result on the upbringing of those children. The neglected ones will end up resenting their mother for not being tender with them. Such an environment can breed toxicity.
All this toxicity can be done knowingly or unknowingly. Some become toxic innocently; they are not aware…so how do we deal with toxic mothers? I have never been in this situation. Still, if it were to happen to me, I would first approach my mother to see if she is aware of how much pain she is causing me. If she isn’t aware, I guess we can try to resolve the matter and move on. If she is doing it knowingly and not willing to change, I would distance myself and try to be happy because I am also a mother. I love my kids so much and wouldn’t want these to affect the third person. Excusing myself will not eliminate the respect that I hold for her as her child, hoping that one day she will acknowledge her mistake.
So to all those facing this situation, how do you deal with it in your everyday lives? Let’s discuss.